Pick Up and Press On

She's been through more things than anyone can ever imagine. She's experienced loss, heartbreak, betrayal. She flinches when someone moves too fast as a result of past trauma. She scans a place while walking in and knows all the exits before sitting down. She had her heart broken by someone that promised to keep it safe forever. Only to wind up breaking it more and more every day.

One day things changed. One day she woke up different. She realized that because someone didn't know how to handle her heart, wasn't a fault of hers, but his. 

She began to pick up each piece and put it back together one at a time. She has now put a guard around it to protect it. She protects it because she has made the effort to mend her own heart and will no longer give the key to just anyone.

Pick those pieces up and press on.

 

He Is My Strength

70 pounds feels a lot heavier when you are battling depression and anxiety. You fight with everything you have just to lift the weight. It's nothing compared to the weight you're carrying inside. The voices in your head keep saying just let it go. Try again tomorrow. But then you remember Phil 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

You begin to push yourself through each rep. Determined to finish your set. Your heart is racing, sweat is running down your face and you use all you have to get those last few reps in.

When you're finished you feel a sense of peace and calm. You notice that voices have silenced themselves. 

Those voices come when we are feeling weak. Their goal is to pull us farther and farther away from God. It's on us to shut them up and get ourselves back on track and put the work in to strengthen ourselves and our faith.

Our Path

We were walking out of church Sunday and my son was running towards our car…or so he thought. He was ahead of me and I pointed in the direction of where I parked and said, "we're parked that way". Without turning to see where I was pointing he just ran until I called his name and he turned and looked at me to see I was pointing in a different direction than what he was going. He went a little farther than needed but once he turned and realized he didn't know where he was going. He found his path again.

We do this at times with God. We think we know the path to where we want to go. We think we know how to get there. Not fully putting our faith in the fact that God is pointing us in the right direction, we just have to turn around and see where He's pointing. When we don't follow God's path it tends to take us longer to get to where he wants us because we went too far without Him.

Loving An Addict

 

When someone you love battles addiction you will see things you never thought you would. You hear about it everywhere but you never think it's something that could happen to someone close to you. You hear about the withdrawals, shakes, and the relapses. I have watched people I barely knew go through this. I have witnessed Narcan administered to someone I passed by at a get together. I never imagined that it would happen to someone close to me. I never thought that someone I cared about would be dealing with that kind of pain.

Many people want to walk away from them. Others want to stay and support. Some decide to be there through the shakes, shivers and withdrawals.

I have learned so much from my experience. I have learned compassion that I couldn't have learned from anywhere else. I learned that it is possible to love someone without approving of their decisions. I learned heartbreak. It's a different kind of heartbreak. The kind of heartbreak where you see the person you knew being robbed of everything you know they can be.

I am not trying to romanticize addiction. It is the one thing that takes over their life. This is not me accepting where or who they are. This is me trying to bring awareness. To bring hope to those who feel lost.

Self-destruction feels more like a survival. You can try, but you cannot fix them. They are in charge of their own recovery. Nothing will change unless they want it. Just be there, don't lose hope in them.

Let them know they are never alone. Sometimes if feels like the entire world is against them. That everything is falling apart. Just simply be there.

To The Younger Me

My dear girl, you're going to see so many trials. You're going to face obstacles that you think are going to break you, but because you're strong, you are going to make it. You're going to lose loved ones, people you couldn't ever imagine your life without. They are always with you. You are going to get your heart broken a time or two, but that's preparing you for the right one that God has for you. I'm going to tell you right now...he's amazing, so don't lose hope. How do I know, you ask? Well because he's different, he's a man of God. What's not to love about that?

You're going to experience betrayal, don't ever let that allow you to question your worth, because you, my dear, are fearfully and wonderfully made. You're going to lose friendships that you thought were solid, but you'll realize that their foundation was built on sand. This will lead you to having the strongest circle you could ever imagine. You're best friend is the best you could ask for. She keeps you on track. She picks you up even when she's struggling herself.

Keep your faith strong, because the smile at the end of this road is life changing. The woman you become loves herself more than you can fathom. The smile you'll see in the mirror is genuine and it's all because of you. No one but you gives her that smile. Keep on keeping on.

Much Love,

The Best Version Of You

Hiding Behind The Smile

This smile on my face hides the pain inside

I'm just faking my way through this life

I'm just not good at this anymore

Feels like it's time to close this door

So tired of hearing keep your head up, you'll be okay

All I want is to give up and make this pain go away

I'm standing on the outside looking in

Drowning in sadness, when will happiness begin

No one understands, they just don't know

How badly I just want to let it all go

I'll be just another statistic to forget

You can read my life story wrapped in an obit

I'm so trapped in this life

I'm ready to give up the fight

Choosing life is harder than they think

In an ocean of pain I'm an anchor about to sink

I try to scream for help but don't know how

There's no looking back, no saving me now

Lucie

This post will be a little different. A year ago today I said goodbye to a beautiful soul. A woman that showed me how to keep the faith even in the most trying times. I would sit with her and have deep talks about everything. She was not only a second mom to me, she was a best friend. 

One year...it still doesn't seem real to me. In such a short time you made a huge impact on my life. An impact that has remained ever so strong. The way you lived life, your faith, the way you always brought my sights back to God. I miss your laugh, your smile, your hugs. I miss the talks we would have sitting there in your bed. The day is still so vivid and still unreal to me. You promised me you would try to behave when I left for work that morning. It was a blessing upon blessings to be a part of your life and to be by your side. Lucie you were a second mom to me. You loved everyone you came in contact with. You had a huge heart in which you have also passed on to your children. You did great Mama. I love you more. ❤️

Don't take people for granted...tomorrow is never promised.